So I have been asked a lot of times by people if I have always been outspoken all my life. But each time I respond, I am always quick to telling people of my story.
Just few years ago, I could literally be described as that shy girl, one with a gloomy look all the time that no one ever wanted to have anything to do with. I was unfriendly, unkind and un-pretty. Of course, you wouldn’t want to come near me because I never appeared welcoming.
This was who I appeared to be, but deep down, no one knew I was battling with a low self-esteem. Some call it inferiority complex, but I like to put the torch on myself and call it having low self-esteem issues. I can tell you for sure that it wasn’t like I didn’t want to do what others did, or associate with people, but I never felt sufficient enough to be liked and talked to. Here I was always thinking… am I good enough to contribute in such gatherings? Do I even understand what is being said? Did my opinions matter at all? These thoughts kept me to myself all the time, I couldn’t express myself, and it always appeared that I had deep rooted issues. Such misconception.
As I sit today, I really cannot tell of one good thing having a low self-esteem did to me. But I have lost counts of the number of beneficial relationships I couldn’t build because of it. From the first crush I had in high school, to the last boyfriend that eventually broke up with me because he was emotionally drained from being the only person I freely related with. You sure wouldn’t blame him, usually people with low self-esteem lynch on to and drain out the energy of the only person they think understands them.
But a lot has changed about me now….
You just may never believe I was that kind of person in the past If I didn’t tell you so because I consciously worked and got out of it. After graduating from the university and getting into the corporate world, I realized that the outside world was different. Everything was fast paced, and you had to speak up else you will be termed a fool and cheated at every given opportunity. From an angry bus conductor rudely demanding for his fare money from you regardless of how prim and proper you look, to a boss at work being quick to remind you how un-smart you are for making a slight grammatical error in the mail you sent to him 6 months ago.
I braced up in this Lagos
I realized I wasn’t doing myself any good by keeping quiet. There was so much I wanted to share with the world. I wanted to write, to share my thoughts to inspire others. But then again, I felt like an amateur writer. I compared myself with everyone else, until I got sapped out when I first started.
Regardless, l picked up my pen to write, I created a website, I wrote despite of how I felt. I connected with strangers on social media, I was very conscious of it.
Believe me, it didn’t come so easy to do, but each time I had to consciously deal with feeling negative about myself. Some days I felt like a super star, other days I felt otherwise, but I kept working on myself.
You just might be like who I was in the past. With a timid voice, always looking down on yourself, thinking you aren’t good enough for one reason or the other. But I can tell you this for free, you are more than enough. You have what it takes to bless the world with that unique gifting that God has placed inside of you.
But firstly, you need to tell yourself the truth about who you truly are. Stop allowing negative emotions hold you back from living the best life that you have. Go all out, do something you have never done before, create things that will make you connect more with people, put out your thoughts on social media, call/ chat up that person you have always wanted to.
You have all it takes, to live your best life, don’t allow anything hold you back.