I had expended my last energy in getting this meal ready ,needless to talk of the amount of resources put into it.
I just couldn’t stop beating myself over the poorly made semovita meal I had to forcefully consume.
As I sat down to eat ,i felt disappointed,at myself and even the outlook of the meal,but then,who was to blame other than myself?
I can boast of being an expert at making it,but today I got it all wrong,the food won’t even encourage me to look nice.
Thankfully,i was home alone and had to finish it all up
I recall vividly what exactly went wrong.I had gotten home from work so tired and just wanted to eat something in the shortest time.In a bid to rush up,i didn’t follow the due process I usually followed,got the food ready and sat to eat,
but then,the outcome was poor.
After the forceful meal ,I relaxed and thought.Why will I make this type of mistake in just preparing a simple meal,and trust how the mind works,other terrible thoughts came rolling in and I felt more terrible.
If I could take a cane and whip myself,i just might have done that right away.I am always hard on myself at the slightest mistake I make,but when it comes to cheering others up, I was no 1 at doing that.
Sometimes,i wanna be the sweetest soul on earth,but I can’t just deal with attitudes that bring out the worst in me, to think of the times I run my mouth just to prove a point,or the many days I long to pray but don’t find myself doing so.
As a growing woman ,the desire to be a great cook and home maker keeps flashing in my face,but right now,i just feel so far from being that description.I just can’t stop checking my phone for that mail or latest social media update while cooking.A very bad habit I know,but the love of phone just seem more overwhelming,so much distractions on me.
So i thought of the woman I always desired to be and all I had read and heard about her . Infact,she had a tag #P31W#
But need I to remember that she became who she was by a process of growth and no matter how much I wish to be like her,beating myself over a mistake won’t help matters
If the woman I desire to be became who she was by a process, I won’t sit and wish I am her in anyway,i will learn from her life and grow to become a better me
So the next time I find myself tripping off my “so-called” set standards,
I will know that it’s just part of my process “OF BECOMING” and embrace every correction I need to make